Well, it is official, I am now in my mid to late 40s at the ripe old age of 46. Yesterday, my grandmother wasn't sure if I was 34 or 74. Thankfully - I am neither. At 34, I had a toddler and a newborn and was in the thick of it. No sleep, ear infections (the kids), stressing trying to juggle work and motherhood. It was a lot.
At 74, I will hopefully be a grandmother, being able to enjoy being a part of my kids and their families lives. But I am not there yet, thank you very much.
At 46, I helped coach my son's championship basketball game last night. We lost a very competitive game, which pretty much turned on an awful call in the last few seconds. However, I found that I loved coaching this age. They don't need my limited basketball knowledge, but instead get my unwavering support. I really enjoyed the sideline conversations, their interactions and observations.
At 46, I try to really be present for my kids. They are very active, with team sports, workouts, band practice, mock trial etc. My side job is a chauffeur. This time, whether five minutes to school or a 7 hour ride to a field hockey tournament, is the time to spend talking with my kids. I want to get to know them as people. They constantly surprise me, in good and bad ways. But they are not toddlers anymore, and I really am enjoying these ages. It is not all sunshine and rainbows and we are experiences highs and lows right now. But I am there for them.
At 46, I played tennis twice this week. My partner and I got our butts kicked by a couple of 70 year olds on Tuesday, but we played. Today, I did a clinic with my tennis friends and feel like my game is really improving. Things are clicking, and I felt really good with where I am.
At 46, I am working for myself at my solo law firm. I am getting more and more comfortable taking on different matters, and running an actual business, not just doing the work. There is a huge difference, and I am feeling much better about handling all the aspects of law firm ownership.
At 46, I am enjoying that my husband and I can go out together more often. We have passed the stage of needed a babysitter. It is really freeing, and lets us be a couple not just parents.
At 46, this is the year of travel. We have already gone to Nashville, and I had a girls trip to the Poconos. Later this month, we are going on a cruise with my family, and then just the four of us are taking another cruise in June. In May, me and my closest 100 lawyer mom friends will travel to Santa Fe. Later this summer, our whole family (35+) go on our annual OBX beach trip. I want to enjoy the trips, be present.
At 46, I know that I do not need others approval. I choose to hang out with people who get me. I need to be authentically me.
At 46, I get to go to work with my dogs everyday. This makes me beyond happy. I also get to help out my family by having a flexible work schedule.
At 46, I wake up at 5:30am/6am on my own. For years, I killed myself getting up early to do 5am yoga, then rush to get the kids set for school or daycare, then rush to the train. Now, I wake everyone else up in the house, including the dogs. I chill on the couch with them while I drink my coffee. They then come with me to the office after both kids are gone by 7:30am. My morning routine has evolved over the years - rushing to the train, studying for law school on the train, dropping off at school and preschool in the morning and rushing to make the train. Now, I feel relaxed and have a good for me routine. Each morning, I have to do the NY Times games in order. First wordle, then the mini crossword, connections, spelling bee and the crossword. I have become somewhat anal about making sure everyone one is done in order - I have to complete the spelling bee and crossword before starting my work day. Then I listen to the news or podcasts during the day while I work. Routine works for me.
At 46, I have way too many doctor's appointments scheduled. I've worked hard to get myself healthy, and still am struggling with weight maintenance. But the sheer number of doctors I see is ridiculous. I've already had a colonoscopy (highly recommend getting this done as soon as you can), and I have another dermatology appointment for random spots on my skin. I take more meds than I ever have in my life. I see a therapist. It seems when you take charge of your health, all of this seems to follow.
At 46, I am going to have lunch with friends and my daughter today, then head back to work. I am taking the time to enjoy life, catch up with friends and spend time with my daughter. Tomorrow night we are going out, the 4 of us, to my favorite restaurant. I do not need any things or stuff (unless its another basset puppy of course), I want experiences and time with friends and family. And coffee- I'll always take more coffee.
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